I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
