oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
