I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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