I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
