i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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