I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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