"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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