i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
