Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
