she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
