I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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