Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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