he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
