So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
