They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
