Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
