Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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