did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
