His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
