I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
