Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You were trust falling into bushes
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
