Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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