I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
