it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
