My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
