Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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