Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Randomize
