it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
