I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
