the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
