well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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