dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
