You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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