it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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