how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
