Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
