tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
