Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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