I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
