My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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