I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
