dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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