Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
