dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
