My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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