he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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