who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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