What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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