its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
