when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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