Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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