Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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