before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
