I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
