I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
