I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
